Friday, May 06, 2005

A Jungle of Thoughts...

At this moment, my mind's a vast, diverse and thick jungle of thoughts. In other words, it feels like my mind is a melting pot of thoughts & feelings right now. In other other words, there's actually a casatta of thoughts out there in my mind. You could slice it with a knife but would, wierdly enough, find it melting and slipping out of your hands the very next minute.

I guess that's the way it feels when one is leaving behind a life that one's been leading for more than 5 years and gets into the unknown; when one is leaving behind known faces and friends (and known and unknown foes ;)). I guess that's the way one feels when one leaves behind the future of the present and goes into a different present for what it has to offer in its future. (does that maketh any sense O blog-surfer?) I am finding it difficult to express myself. There's a sense of uncertainity but a sense of relief as well. Uncertainity because where I am going is not something I am familiar with; Relief that I am perhaps getting rid of some thorns in the flesh that may have pained me a little too much for comfort had I stayed on; Relief that I am perhaps getting away from the clutches of unknown demons that may have devoured me. There's a sense of security as well as a sense of insecurity. Security that there's more value in what I shall be doing and insecurity that I still don't know what exactly is in store - what would have happened had I stayed on? On the other hand, there is this resolve to not let evil forces force me to think that I am going astray. Learning is all that matters. If it's a mistake, I learn more. And, thanks to Paulo Coelho, the temptation to believe that the whole world conspires to give you what you want is very strong. There are some things I want and maybe I will get all of them in my new role. The passion that I have for KM can anyway never be taken away from me by anyone on earth! It's mine for ever. It's my asset and embedded in my heart, mind and soul - in my being. I will continue to use it wherever I am. And god bless one of my friends - something that she sent me made it very easy for me to digest the hardness of the situation. She sent me a poster that says "If you did not get what you want, sit tight. God has thought of something better to give you!". Somethings that I've picked up from people that I've been speaking to are (if you are in a similar situation, this may be of use to you as well)

- (believe that) you will do well. (your passion will make it happen)
- Nothing is impossible
- It (the new opportunity) sounds exciting
- You have to learn newer things sometime...
- One can't manage other people or situations. One can only manage oneself in a given situation.

And finally, one of my favorite quotes that puts things more or less in perspective - "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity" - Albert Einstein

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