In a Nut Shell...

Sigh. Twitter is deadly. Not to mention, dangerous as well. Take my word for it. Unless you're extremely careful and maintain a dreadful silence in which case you'd rather not be using it in the first place, IMO.


Many weeks back, I made the mistake of saying I was inspired by the Groundnut Avataars of a friend on Twitter (He puts up pictures of tiny groundnuts sleeping, thinking, reading etc and you know my weakness for cartoons of any sort) and a huge gang (comprising no less than two people in all) of Mumbaikars got together and threatened me into writing something on groundnuts or getting ready to face the consequences of a mortal life. So, here's my timid and weird essay on groundnuts. Not open to criticism of any sort, mind you. If you want, you can go write a better article on groundnuts or any other nut you  may prefer to write about. I've been dilly dallying on this task for too long. Finally seem to be in a mood to talk some groundnut-nonsense. Nevertheless, I am not inclined to put up with any nonsensical comments.  


Being a KMer, the first thing I am going to do is to point out what Wikipedia has to say about groundnuts. Here you go - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peanut


First things first. Groundnuts have a lot of alternative names. Let me help you get this straight, lest you let this article go unnoticed because you've always been referring to groundnuts as something else like Goober Peas or for that matter Arachis Hypogaea. Groundnuts are referred to as Peanuts in the western parts of the world. They are also, amusingly enough, known as monkey nuts and pig nuts. Not sure if that's because monkeys and pigs love them. I, personally, know a lot of nice people who are not monkeys or pigs but who love them. If you don't happen to like any of these names, you can exercise your tongue and refer to groundnuts as Arachis Hypogaea.  


Groundnuts have quite hard shells if you've not seen one so far, like that of a fragile Tortoise, I presume. But the pods are relatively softer. Groundnuts can be consumed as is, fried, boiled, sprayed with spices and salts, mixed with nuts from other families, mixed with some Indian rice-based dishes etc. And there's also the popular peanut butter that people in the US seem to be very fond of. This includes a US-based niece of mine. (This niece once even attempted to teach me how to make peanut butter and had her narrative going pretty well when she started off by saying "you need to take one peanut and put it in the grinder - which you can in turn buy from a shop". But then she abruptly stopped on seeing me and a few others giggle. To this day, I regret it and wonder whether I unwittingly crushed a champion chef in her growing years)


Peanut oil and flour are also used in cooking. The top three producers of groundnuts are China, India and USA. Peanuts are known for their nutritious (protein) quality and are even prescribed for children suffering from malnutrition. If you ever happen to think that your body needs niacin, folate, fiber, magnesium, vitamin E, manganese and phosphorus, please pop in a few peanuts. Peanuts are considered high in fat, but according to the Wikipedia, these are good or unsaturated fats. The US is the biggest exporter of peanuts. India and China produce lots of them but eat most of it themselves. Sounds somewhat selfish, what?


Here are some other tidbits that are, I guarantee, of absolutely no value to you. 


1. Peanuts remind some people of the number eight. If you don't know how to write the number eight, derive inspiration from peanuts. This also means that peanuts can easily take on a human form. Peanut art is also common in some rural areas. You can do lots with the shells like use it in paintings etc. 


2. If you're paid a very meager amount of money for something you sold or services you provided, it may be said that you were paid peanuts. My intelligent guess is that this alludes to the fact that peanuts come real cheap. 


3. If you act a little goofy or silly or unintelligent, people may accuse you of being nuts or exhibiting nutty behaviour. These phrases, however, are not attributable only to groundnuts. There are a lot of other nuts that could be held responsible for such behaviour.


4. Groundnuts are sold everywhere - in India. Trains, bus stations, beaches, roads etc. Surprisingly enough, you can buy groundnuts even if all you happen to have in your wallet is Rs.2. Isn't that amazing? 


Righto! We're done folks. In a nut shell, groundnuts are a funny, nutritious and time-pass snack (time-pass: Indian term that refers to "killing time"). Hold a few groundnuts in your palm, sit in an undisturbed or busy spot (beach, park etc) and pop in one nut after another on auto-pilot, let your mind wander and be enlightened! 

Pic Courtesy: Wikipedia

PS: This is the first ever time I've spent so much time and energy thinking and collecting information about groundnuts since the time I suddenly developed groundnut allergy 3 years back - when I consumed some suspicious-looking fat and sweetened groundnuts in the UK and had itchy skin for a while. Thanks to Wikipedia. Wait, not for the allergy but for the knowledge on groundnuts. For me, this has been a curious journey - from unexpected allergies to hidden Twitter allegories!

Gangad Jokloz Yomosh?

I am not really sure exactly when it started or for that matter, how it all started off (Something tells me I'd make a very poor historian). It must have perhaps been an accidental innovation that was derived out of some normal slip of the tongue talk. Anyways, all I remember is that it all started while I was in School. My sibling and I let our tongues roll and move in every imaginable direction and uttered some meaningless 'words' at the rate of 120 per minute and gradually thought it was a cool thing to do. (For example - Tumbliko jhodu makaram kloti umbrasta hikas dinga dunga takka pikir rokol gushti ambala eli wotta qot dishu polim and so forth) A common friend and often mute spectator was not sure what to do and how to react but did give us the feeling that she, however, found it quite hilarious. So, it became some sort of a habit to kill time. When we ran out of topics to discuss on the way back home from School, Gibberish would come to the rescue. It was the only language we knew which let us express emptiness but with random emotions. The only language before speaking which we did not have to think. The only language that let us concentrate on emoting rather than making sense or being understood.

Everything in life has to evolve. So, we also invented a variation wherein we would sprinkle Gibberish with strategically placed English words and phrases that could be strung together (connected) to give the listener the feeling that we definitely had a message to convey. Thus, we went on to occasionally practice Gibberish for a few years in School. But I am not sure we were famous for it.

And then, our priorities in life changed. We had to learn to handle the real world gibberish...

The 'tumbliko's and the 'gopol's and all the other absolutely innovative words we concocted out of nowhere were not to be heard for a long time. (But , as some of my friends would interrupt to say, I guess I did continue to entertain people with slips of the tongue.) I resorted to Gibberish only when with kids, who, I discovered, for some reason enjoyed it immensely.

On my first job, two friends who were equally excited about Gibbersih joined forces and we had some serious Gibberish conversations at tea time. Another friend who was ignorant about the context and our 'wicked' ways, heard us having one such conversation and was convinced that it was a valid foreign language. She immediately wanted to know what language it was and we played along and challenged her to find out. After a few days, she gave up and asked us to name the language. So, I told her the truth. And guess what? She was not convinced at all. She refused to believe us and told us she was not happy we were not telling her which language it was. Moreover, she wanted us to teach her the language as well. We continued trying to prove that we were telling the truth and, trust me, it took us a long time and one desperate dialogue to finally convince her. But she never managed to learn Gibberish. Her tongue was too disciplined to slip into meaningless talk.

That's that. Anytime in life, as long as you are not too conscious about appearing like a mature adult, indulging in Gibberish can be real fun. But it can get you in difficult situations as well. Consider what happened to me. A neice calls up when I am busy in a meeting at office and says "Nimmy Aunty, can you please talk rubbish talk?" You must be well equipped to handle such public embarassments as well. Don't tell me I did not warn you.

And, if you have a pet (especially Dogs) at home, rest assured that they will completly understand every single word of the Gibbersih language as long as you back it up with appropriate expressions and actions.

If you're looking at other important ways in which you can use Gibberish, here is another idea - it could be one way of saying "This discussion is over!" when you're with people who are unwilling to wrap up a one-sided conversation. Use just 4 Gibberish words of your choice, say it loud, emphasise every word and sound as stern as possible. You get the idea? If they don't, just get up and walk after you've delivered your statement.

Finally, you could even aim to be a better human being by replacing all the four letter words in your lexicon with brand new inimitable Gibberish words that could be equally relieving while not embarrassing others. :-) This idea is, btw, not my original...it is borrowed and is based on best practice from Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin's Dad, of all the people.

Cartoon strip from www.gocomics.com - Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

OK. Gangad Jokloz Yomosh? Jikalo Tikalo Ringa Binga Amuso Blah!