Principles. Practicality. Pride

I am, um, committing the crime of generalizing things and bucketing them. Wait! You can't warn me because I've warned myself.  But the fact is that I normally think about such things, write down whatever occurs to me and then leave it to my subconscious mind (which is apparently more in tune with the Universe) to apply it only in situations wherein it ought to be . And, note that I don't hang them - my generalizations, I mean - around my neck and make it my primary instrument of perception and interpretation. You'd better believe me ;-)

Righto! All the nonsensical prelude aside, here is what I cooked up as I inhaled what must have been carbon monoxide and watched riders/drivers break rules and jeopardize the lives of many innocent people on the roads at ~8.32 am. There are broadly three kinds of thinking that people engage in while going about their daily decisions. Thoughts that are driven by Principles, Practicality or Pride. (My mind keeps discovering words that alliterate or rhyme when I set out to explain - unnecessarily, of course - various phenomena in the world and I pretend to play along by expanding them into lengthy and meandering paragraphs.)

Coming back to our - ok, my - three categories of thoughts that in turn dictate to decision making, a lot depends on both, people's inherent nature and how they've been nurtured. Parenting (apart from one's individuality), methinks, has a Major (M in caps) impact on whether we are driven predominantly by principles, practicality or pride.

If your Parents thought they were at the far right of the chart of human evolution, gave you less or no room for making mistakes, sermonized at the drop of a hat, did not allow you to break any of the so-called rules, were rarely lenient, were attached to their value-system, culturally sensitive and so on, *and* you lent yourself to all of this or succumbed to it (depending on the way you see it ;-)), you are likely to now be an adult largely driven by principles; mostly those that were conditioned into you by your parents. In certain cases, you may have, of course, added a few self-discovered principles to the list that was thrust down your throat.

The point to note, however, is that if you were a rebel despite your Parents being obsessed with idealistic and rigid rules and approaches, then you may now be an adult driven by pride.

If you were subjected to so-called "smart" and in-touch-with-reality parenting, you are probably an adult driven by practicality. If your Parents' focus was almost always on survival, people-handling tactics and techniques, financial security, materialistic prosperity and the like, you surely grew up seeing yourself as a self-serving cog in the world's chaotic wheel. If you watched your parents sacrifice a few or several ideals and principles in order to obtain results and get to the finishing point in the various races run by society, you are likely to be a person who values practical thinking. You may very well be one of those street-smart adults who rarely gets bogged down by the world's evil ways and, in fact, knows how to get what he wants without creating much of a flutter. You undoubtedly have earned a lot of naive and clueless people's admiration. Sweet-talking, subtle wins in psychological or emotional battles and a certain type of ruthlessness are perhaps your forte.

Brings me to, unarguably, the most meaningless kind of parenting. That which results in children who grow up to pat and pamper their pride every day of their miserable lives. They lose track of logic and have no idea what values are all about. The most important thing happens to be empty egoism and vanity. They are so focused on fulfilling their ego's needs that they neither let the people with principles propose the vision nor let the ones who are practical get things moving or done. Come to think of it, they may not even know why they are doing what they are doing and are so narcissistic that they believe the world exists to serve them. Good luck to them because they must be careful not to kill people on their way to nowhere. O_o

Principle-based thinking more often than not results in condescending curmudgeons. Practical thinking results in ruthless rascals. Pride, ewww, delivers repulsive reptiles. That, my dear friends, is what we, the human race, are all about. Tada. Om Shanti.

How a Good Person Can Really Win - A Book Review

Book Review: Pavan Choudary’s “How A Good Person Can Really Win”

I enjoy reading genuine self-help books that combine inspiring thoughts with compelling and actionable approaches, ideas and tips. A visit to a well-stocked book shop will prove to you that there is no dearth of books in the self-help section. But as a devoted pursuer of books, I think there are a few things to be wary of.

Depending on the phase of life you are in, your view of life in general and preferred approaches to dealing with its challenges, some books stimulate your thoughts and coax you into taking positive action while some other books are, at best, boring or misleading. Before you impulsively purchase a book, you need to relax, sit down, flip through the book, connect with its theme, structure and ideas. You also need to check if the writing style of the author appeals to your subconscious before you pick it up and rely on it to change your life. 

Well, for a change, I did not have to do any of this to read "How a Good Person Can Really Win" (HGPCRW). The book found me via my blog. To start with, I feel quite lucky about it. 

HGPCRW is not a book that one reads, feels good about and forgets. Nor is it a book that gives you something on the lines of a DIY (do it yourself) kit that you build and reuse everywhere. I think it is a book that you need to keep on your table and refer to regularly. It has plenty of interesting and thought-provoking stories and snippets that one cannot read once and absorb forever. It is a 'situational' book; a book that will give you something to ponder over in many important situations that you may find yourself in. 

The book is split into three parts and the author has done some excellent and appropriate anecdotal research for each of these sections. Part 1 outlines the characteristics of people who resort to vile-like qualities characters. Part 2 unveils advice for the naive and is focused on specific situations. Part 3 gives the reader a set of powerful values to derive inspiration from.

Part 1, to me, was interesting and somewhat like reading the Politics and Page 3 sections of the newspaper. :-) It also made me wonder if normally good-natured people would resort to any of the vile-like methods when under severe pressure. When I moved on to Part 2, I was excited and intrigued by the stories and the anecdotes. Some situations were so familiar that I found myself grinning and reading the insights with gratitude. Part 3 seemed shorter than the other two parts but was a fascinating read because it was packed with concise and powerful ideas. 

In a nut shell, I think this book will be a reliable "guide" that can be approached for advice during difficult situations. The insights will, I think, fascinate and appeal to many a mind.

Disclaimer: The publishers offered me the book for a review. However, the review is a pure reflection of my own experiences and thoughts and not influenced by any external entities. 

Warning: A Wandering Mind

How does one deal with the paradox of “be yourself” and “adjust” (the famous term that used to be associated with Bangalore and its people before the former became a cosmopolitan city) at the same time? In the long run, is happiness a consequence of listening to your heart and doing things your way or “adjusting” with what is? What if the situation you are in involves entities outside of your well thought-out and deeply absorbed (or prejudiced) value-system or communication model or something else equally important? Is it okay to kill a little part of you – in a virtual sense - and adapt yourself to the situation while pretending to align with it even if you are not perhaps really doing so? Is it okay to live with the attitude that you may, after-all, change or things will change or, well, you can change things somewhere down the path? Does it make more sense to be practical and result-oriented rather than attach yourself to a subconsciously acquired (some of it may be natural, if genetic causes can be labeled as natural) value-system (or communication model or…..)? Or, more alarmingly, how do you know it is not your ego that wears a clever disguise and convinces you to be the way you are?

An episode involving the ethics of a social worker triggered me off to muse about the identity of the so-called “truth” and the validity of a black and white world as opposed to a grayish world. I then attempted to see it from the perspective of the Mahabharatha, when a brave woman I know responded and declared that Sri Krishna may have won the war for the Pandavas by deceit but he achieved his goal (justifiable to some and not so justifiable to others) he set out to achieve and that is all, perhaps, that mattered. Outsiders, she said, only watch and debate his methods. How do you blend your thinking and action? If Sri Krishna is the answer to today’s ruthless, ambiguous and vague world, then what is the importance of the unquestioned obedience and love that Lord Rama is identified with? Go ahead. Share your wisdom. Some of you are capable of running a correspondence course on the human psychology in the context of relationships/communities, like the Master might say! ;-)  

Personal Knowledge Portfolio

1. Does this chart make sense? Please note that it is to be seen in the context of an organization and not just an individual. 
2. Does this consider/address at least the top few platforms and top few benefits?
3. Is there something wrong in this picture? For example, any block that is not in the appropriate place, in your opinion?
4. Any other feedback for improvement?

Identity

Ultimately, Identity = What we (think about + believe in + behave like + pursue + create + share). Your thoughts?


Update (16th Aug):

Came across a somewhat similar post by Pravs World this morning. :-) Talks about the richness of life being a consequence of our dreams, friends, ideas etc.

Manipulative Machiavelli or Straightforward Sam?

I am extremely tired of people who are manipulative, those who love playing mind games and aim to be a scheming Machiavelli who can easily deceive everyone else into doing whatever they want them to do. This may seem counter-intuitive to many but I strongly believe that, in the long run, the ones who are better off are the ones who are honest and straightforward (but polite and kind) in their communication. So, this article strikes a nice chord.


Source: DailyOm.com (Emphasis Mine)


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The Power of Disengagement

Rather than being heart based, some have learned to play mind games or go on power trips in the service of their ego.
For better or worse, many people have been raised to believe that communicating in an honest and open way will not get them what they want. They have learned, instead, to play mind games or go on power trips in the service of their ego’s agenda. People stuck in this outmoded and inefficient style of communication can be trying at best and downright destructive at worst. We may get caught up in thinking we have to play the same games in order to defend ourselves, but that will only lead us deeper into confusion and conflict. The best way to handle people like this is to be clear and honest with them. 

As with all relationships and situations in our lives, we must look within for both the source of our difficulties and the solution. Reacting to the situation by getting upset will only entrench us more deeply in the undesirable relationship. Only by disengaging, becoming still, and going within can we begin to see what has hooked us into the mess in the first place. We will most likely find unprocessed emotions that we can finally fully feel and release into the stillness we find in meditation. The more we are able to do this, the less we will be bothered by the other person’s dramas and the more we will be free to respond in a new way. In the light of our new awareness, the situation will untangle itself and we will slowly break free. 

Whenever people come into our lives, they have come for a reason, to show us something about ourselves that we have not been able to see. When unhealthy people try to hook us into their patterns with mind games and power trips, we can remind ourselves that we have something to learn here and that a part of us is calling out for healing. This takes the focus off the troubling individual and puts it back on us, giving us the opportunity to change the situation from the inside out. 

A few minutes back, I bumped again into a poem that moved me immensely when I had first read it - which was probably many years before I started blogging. My first thought was to save it on the blog and share it with those of you who may have not seen it. 


People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.            
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.


- Mother Theresa 

Inspiring Thoughts

I liked this article by Jay. Extremely practical and simple and yet inspiring enough to push you.


Points I'd particularly like to highlight are: (comments mine)

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  Learn people skills above all else (Comment: I think most of us are not naturally good at handling people. We must necessarily expend some effort to learn how to deal with people and our own unconscious mind - like the author points out at the start of his list)

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  Question everything you hear! (Comment: Well, sometimes you have to be smart enough to realize what cannot be trusted or taken at face value)

• 
  

  Your beliefs create your universe (Comment: Be very careful about what beliefs you invite and nurture and understand how exactly it impacts you)

• 
  

  Never sell yourself short. Ever. (Comment: The complexity of the relationship between humility, self-confidence and selling yourself right may be hard to deal with)

• 
  

  Stay in control of yourself at all times (Comment: Genuine emotions are a sign of a good human being...but....watch the border line)

No Problem!

I'd like to give myself (and, potentially, some of the readers as well) a bubbly and positive start to 2010 by spending some time on the "what" and "how" of problem-solving. Just a few simple thoughts on the process and philosophy of problem-solving. I know. It's been done before by many a brilliant mind but, well, what's the harm in doing a bit of free-style thinking (not consciously influenced by anything else) on my own?

This isn't an attempt to teach readers how to solve problems...I don't plan to write a self-help book. :-) It is purely an introspective post, written more for my own benefit. I'd like to come back to this post when I find myself losing my way when amidst a dense problem or when I feel like scooting off into the sky when faced with a particularly blistering problem. I am just thinking aloud like I do when I write most of the posts on this blog.


It is intriguing - Though it is true that we are likely to learn a lot from personal experience, we are more capable of objectively analyzing situations when someone else - at an observable distance - is going through a challenge. This way, more often than not, we are not biased and are capable of detaching ourselves from the problem and its consequences.

So, what do we do when we come face to face with a dense or blistering problem that stares at us in a wicked way?

Pic: Google Images

1. Stare back at it. Face the problem. Accept that it is there and acknowledge its existence 

2. Resolve to find your way through it successfully. Tell yourself you were born to conquer that problem. Come what may. Never give up. Stay positive. Pull yourself up every time you slip

3. Stay calm and composed. It is easy when you trust yourself or believe there is an opportunity in every difficulty. You could even try assuming the role of a cartoonist and spot some hidden 'humor' in the situation to retain your sanity 

4. Get creative. Try unconventional ways to get your head around the problem. Pat yourself when you think of something fresh and new, even if it doesn't work

5. Defocus. Take time off. If you feel tired, step off the track and rest a while 

6. Consulting others vs independence. This is a tricky one for me. Introspection is a must. Self-help is a must. But getting others' opinions can surely help. What is dicey is how do you decide who are the 'right' people to consult. You must connect with positive, creative, helpful, and mature people for support. You have to be careful not to be misled or - at the other extreme - get over dependent on the adviser

7. Stick to your values when thinking of solutions. Stay honest, shun violence, consider the potential impact of your actions on others around you etc Don't cheat yourself by adopting methods that you don't agree with 

8. Work on your negotiation skills, consider compromising on certain things and settling for a less than perfect solution....

9. Know all your facts. Look at and understand the situation from multiple angles. Do your homework 

10. Take your own - final - decision and the responsibility for the consequences. If you think you've made a mistake, go to the heart of this process at #5, defocus, cut your losses and be prepared to start over again with renewed energy and determination

Om. Tada!

Brain Games...

Awesome list.

There's so much that one can do to lead an exciting life!...and here we are....most of us....complaining about this and that! Hmph!

How True...!

Erica Jong -"Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."

Aaahhh!! Taking just the first part of the quote - Taking life in your own hands - I guess there are people who.....

......do this and are happy (Bliss! Freedom!)
......do this but are unhappy (End up looking for support and approval...! Can be confusing! Are they looking for someone to just guide or someone who will take decisions for them? Where does the influence stop?)
......don't do this and are unhappy (Unable to release themselves! Terrible! Blame game indeed)
......don't do this but are happy (Blind followers. Thinking isn't easy anyway? Go get a life?)

Hmmm. Blink. Hmmm. Sigh. Is it parenting that largely determines which category one belongs to? Or is it really about the context. Some people can take their own decisions on what to eat when in a restaurant but not what to purchase when it comes to clothing! Eh?

The Hare and the Turtle

From DailyOM. Appealing arguments. Be it learning something new (driving, swimming, music) or going out on one's own...!

Small Steps To Big Change - Making Big Change Easier

When we decide that it’s time for big changes in our lives, it is wise to ease into them by starting small. Small changes allow us to grow into a new habit and make it a permanent part of our lives, whereas sudden changes may cause a sense of failure that makes it difficult to go on, and we are more likely to revert to our old ways. Even if we have gone that route and find ourselves contemplating the choice to start over again, we can decide to take it slowly this time, and move forward.

Sometimes the goals we set for ourselves are merely indicators of the need for change and are useful in getting us moving in the right direction. But it is possible that once we try out what seemed so ideal, we may find that it doesn’t actually suit us, or make us feel the way we had hoped. By embarking on the path slowly, we have the chance to look around and consider other options as we learn and grow. We have time to examine the underlying values of the desire for change and find ways to manifest those feelings, whether it looks exactly like our initial goal or not. Taking small steps forward gives us time to adjust and find secure footing on our new path.

Life doesn’t always give us the opportunity to anticipate or prepare for a big change, and we may find ourselves overwhelmed by what is in front of us. By choosing one thing to work on at a time, we focus our attention on something manageable, and eventually we will look up to see that we have accomplished quite a bit. Forcing change is, in essence, a sign that we do not trust the universe’s wisdom. Instead, we can listen to our inner guidance and make changes at a pace that is right for us, ensuring that we do so in alignment with the rhythm of the universe.

PS: related post; another related post

What's the secret?

When poise is maintained within us,problems and challenges vanish like mist before the rising sun.- Swami Chinmayananda

:-) The 'real' mind we have been bestowed with is quite an undiscovered gold mine! I think one of the greatest assets we can have as a human is poise, composure and balance. I know meditation is known to grant us such a mind. What are the other things in life (especially during our growing years) that add this dimension to our character? Is it largely intrinsic or is it about how we are mentored by people around us or does it depend on what we go through (natural training)? I have miles to go before I sleep...!

Mr.Mistake Comes Knocking Again...

After reading a thoughtful post on Jack's blog, I rambled about mistakes here and here. If you happened to have tuned into those posts and introspected about your own mistakes and their repercussions, you may like this one from Steve Goodier. Some food for thought from Steve on there being no need to be Right all the time.

The Story of Adversity

Like anything in life, it is only when you are faced with adversity that you find out what you are truly made of. - Dr Sattar Bawany

Studying how we respond when we are subjected to adversity can surely be a shocking or blissful (or perhaps even boring) revelation of our true selves and how we have 'brought ourselves up'! :) I guess how we respond during our growing years depends on how much we learn to and draw upon our native wisdom and inspiration and how much we are influenced by our family, friends and advisers. How we respond to adversity as we grow much older depends on how much we have learned from our previous approaches and experiences and, further on, how much time we spend thinking about what's the 'right' and 'happy' way to face adversity....

I guess the response to adversity can be categorized or generalized even while considering that the context keeps changing....we have the shameful "i want to run away" escapism, the cool "don't worry, be happy" attitude, the brave "i shall not let this get to me" way, the casual "this is life...it had to happen" style, the methodical "i'll analyse this thing and crack it even if it takes time" approach, the controlling "what the hell is happening here" style, the creative "i'll handle this my style" stuff, the wise "ok. it's over. nothing. learn. move on. dont let it happen again" method, the humble "i need some help" resignation, the challenging "hah. you're nothing. give me more" attitude, the intrigued "why did this have to happen?" attitude, the confused "eh? oops? what?' incompetence, the blank and ignorant "really? i did not know" character, the admirable "laugh. see the humor in it. it's not so serious actually" style.....whew!! OK. I am tired of generalising. Hey, actually, that's another style of facing adversities....the weak "I am tired. No more." attitude.... ;-)

I guess there are many more generalisations that one could list down. But each of us is probably habituated to and known for one or two dominant styles (that may be difficult to shake off!). What's your style?

Post from the Past

I revisited some of my old posts...with the intention of taking a quiet walk down memory lane, finding something amusing or inspiring and generally exploring my past introspections....

Out of the dozen odd posts I had the time to revisit, there was this old post written three years ago that brought some light into my eyes and made me wish I'd be inspired to the same extent once again (but I don't remember the context in which I wrote the post...must have probably read something inspiring or may have been fortunate enough to experience a sudden burst of energy and wisdom on that day)

Mistakes...

Aaaahhh! I said this (ref: first line) a bit too early. The swing has moved again. But this time, it's not "my work". This introspective post is from Jack's blog....I like it and can relate to it quite a lot because I have been working towards overcoming my fear of traffic (India's traffic, I must specify) for the past few weeks. And I must say, I can see quite a lot of improvement only because I first decided to take the plunge and drive through it and subsequently kept at it despite making mistakes. Though Jack mentions only the name of the book and not the author, I was happy with myself for recognizing that it was Eknath's writing immediately after reading through the excerpt in the post. And not the least because Eknath shares a large number of stories that reflect his grandmother's teachings.

PS: I think I'll come back and share some personal thoughts on mistakes in the next post...worth thinking and considering if one wants to improve one's quality of life....and well, there is quite a bit of association between mistakes and knowledge management! :-)

PS2: Just noticed that Bill has also linked to Jack's post and added something really awesome to it - about developing the habit of learning something new and not being ashamed of ignorance if one intends to get rid of it. Go read this one as well! :-)

Be a Disciple of Discipline

I think a life without discipline just cannot deliver. In other words, you're dead without discipline. There's so much to life that it is only discipline - backed by passion for life - that can help one organize things and do justice to them. Next time some elder in your family gets stern because you're giving in to indiscipline, please think twice before retaliating. It may be a bitter pill, but without it, life cannot be experienced fully.

PS: Worst case, bring in some discipline into some dimensions of your life if not all!! Gosh, don't I sound like a dreadful teacher??!! ;-) Heheh

How to ObsTackle ;)

God never promised we would stroll through life problem free, but He did promise He would always be with us and give us the ability to overcome every obstacle. Never give up on anything no matter how hopeless it may look to your natural eyes. Whether you are praying for your loved ones to come to know the Lord or you are in need of a breakthrough whether physical or financial, stay steadfast and unmoved in your faith.- Zenyasi

Umm. Thinking aloud...there are probably many approaches to this:

- Pretend that the obstacle does not exist at all and focus your energy, enthusiasm and intelligence elsewhere so the obstacle almost becomes a non-entity - This may hold good in the case of aspects completely outside of one's control. Also, sometimes ignoring the obstacle initially - paradoxically - prepares one to later take on it as it then (most probably) ceases to be perceived as something critical, scary and fearful. The 'fact' that it is, after all, simple enough for us to handle seems to surface as the clock ticks on....

- Take the obstacle head on from the word 'Go' and charge towards it with the energy of a thousand bulls and decimate it into fine powder and go on to further dissolve it into an invisible state. Requires tons of faith, determination, intelligence, confidence and courage

- Bear with the obstacle (when it is unavoidable and caused by external forces that can't be easily controlled or when you simply lack the wherewithal to deal with it immediately) by calling upon your divine spirit for strength and accept it to such an extent that it hopefully ceases to matter and you almost become immune to it. Do this with the unshakable faith that whatever is happening is 'good' and essential for one's spiritual, mental and emotional growth. For all you know, this approach of patience, acceptance and faith may later equip you with the resources required for overcoming the obstacle

Don't know if what I am saying makes sense.....really don't know. What do you think? I am open to challenging views... :)

The Bird's Paradise

There was this beautiful little bird trapped inside
Unknown to the world, but she did not really want to hide
The bird was in a strong and complex world much like a cage
And desperately yearned to have a mirror to see its image
The cage was but an illusion waiting to be easily broken
But the crazy bird waited for one of its flock to open (the door)

While another brazen bird set off on its own waiting for none
Flying out and high in glory, it's initial work well done
Claiming freedom and independence for its own
It soon became a bird for its courage well known

The bird still in the cage struggled and shed tears
And finally realized that nothing helps except faith and determination very fierce
The bird saw that the world may be linked but individuality matters a lot
The trick is in liberating oneself and being completely self-taught
The bird saw that independence and faith created amazing magic
And more often than not defied all logic
So, the bird managed to break the illusion of its mental cage
And fly out to the paradise with many a follower regardless of age

PS: I have a thought. I'd love to see your interpretation and understanding of this poem. It would be interesting to see how similar or different it is to what I intend to communicate. Please leave a comment.