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Living for Ourselves
Trying to Please Others
Most of us come to a point in our lives when we question why we are doing what we are doing, and many of us come to realize that we may be living our lives in an effort to make our parents happy. This realization can dawn when we are in our 20s, our 40s, or even later, depending upon how tight a hold our family of origin has on our psyche. We may feel shocked or depressed by this information, but we can trust that it is coming to us at this time because we are ready to find out what it would mean to live our lives for ourselves, following the call of our own soul, and refusing any longer to be beholden to someone else’s expectations.
One of the most common reasons we are so tied into making our parents, or others, happy, is that we were not properly mirrored when we were children. We were not honored as individuals in our own right, with a will and purpose of our own, to be determined by our own unfolding. As a result, we learned to look outside of ourselves for approval, support, and direction rather than look within. The good news is that the part of us that was not adequately nurtured is still there, inside us, like a seed that has not yet received the sunlight and moisture it needs to open and to allow its inner contents to unfurl. It is never too late to provide ourselves with what we need to awaken this inner being.
There are many ways to create a safe container for ourselves so that we can turn within and shine the light of awareness there. We may join a support group, go to therapy, or start a practice of journaling every day for half an hour. This experience of becoming is well worth the difficult work that may be required of us to get there. In whatever process we choose, we may feel worse before we feel better, but we will ultimately find out how to live our lives for ourselves and how to make ourselves happy.
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If you have any experiences to share, please do leave a comment. I'd be thrilled to share this post and the comments with people who need to understand this.
10 comments:
So, you're a parent.
:) nah. But it is a topic I think about often. Easy to observe what is happening around us........
True. The gift of cognizance.
'Look Within' is a very bad term and does not convey the meaning of meditate. It came because of western concept that the soul is independent. It is part of a universal soul. Vivekananda said if a man meditates or thinks a good thought in a desert and dies immediately his life is not waste but great success. Gandhiji imitated Thoreau (duty of Civil Disobedience). I think we are what we imitate. Let us think and imitate the greats and die.
LOOK WITHIN is a wrong western concept on meditation. Gandhiji imitated Thoreau (Duty of Civil disobedience)and made great thoughts. Vivekananda said if a man sits in a desert alone and thinks a wonderful thought and dies his life is totally successful. No need to convince anybody because we are already a part of the universal soul.
it is always the simplest things that sound profound when put into words. but i guess that's the charm of it. one only knows what we are when we stand in front of a mirror - and even then what we see is dictated by (again)extraneous factors like how much and from where the light falls. never mind how smooth or undulated the mirror itself is :)
frustrating though it is and tear-jerking too, many a time, i find myself in a sublime state after a 'session' with my son. what starts as an act of supervision/guidance, usually ends as a lesson to me. and every time, i am drawn inwards. and everytime,i live again - through new light. give us a knock at Kallola, you might see what i mean :)
MSC: Hmm....there's so much to learn from others' mistakes! :-)
Srikumar: Lovely thoughts! I love the concept of our souls being a sample of the Universal soul. Truly spiritual thought!
Tej: You're a rocking mother, I say! It takes a lot of wisdom to learn from these experiences - which an average parent can probably never do. :-) Yup....Kallola....here I come. :-D
okay. Let's put that into practice. Tell me a mistake.
Mistake? That I have made? (This blog probably has lots of those! :-)
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